Road to Recovery

Have you ever had the moment when everything seems to be going fine and then in an instant you are bawling. Yeah, I have had those moments. Mainly in the past two days. My boyfriend got me flowers for valentines day. Amazing right? Yes! I brought my lovely flowers to school and put them in my room. With in about a hour I was bawling my eyes out. Why you ask? Simply because I was sad. My grandma used to be a florist. She died a little over a year ago and it really hasn't hit me. Until two days ago. The flowers sitting in my room smell like my grandma, remind me of my grandma and make me realize what I am with out her. The first thing I thought when I saw the flowers was "Grandma would be soo pissed if she saw how he is carrying those flowers, and how he wrapped them. Oh lord." The next thought that passed my mind was bliss. Wow I'm getting flowers from the man I love. Not only am I getting flowers but they are my favorite. Not like I brag about my favorite flowers to anyone other than my girlfriends. Here is where both parts tie in. My grandma was my best friend. All through out my child hood all I wanted was to be loved. I wanted to be cared about. All I got was hate from everyone and my life seriously sucked. I wanted to end my life just so I wouldn't have to face the people I did. But my grandma would always tell me "One day, you will see the world for what it is and not for what you think it is. One day you will be soo loved you wont know what to do." The sad thing is, I always thought Grandma was a little not right up stairs. Some one love me? Oh god no. Shortly after my grandmas death I met my boyfriend. (and here come the tears) Things were crazy at first but now we are so in love its unbelievable. He loves me and I love him. We help each other through the hectic days and calm each other down at night. We pick each other up when we are feeling down and we constantly make sure the other knows we miss them. I have never felt more loved or more cared about in my whole life. And the one person that said it would always happen isn't here to witness. It tears me apart inside. I just wish I could tell her she was right. I wish she could see how amazing my life is now. Minus the busy part. I wish she could see how he makes me feel. I wish I could tell her all the things she promised me, had come true. When I was younger I chose the wrong path. I followed the hard road and made awful decisions. I finally made my way back and when down the correct road that God intended. I'm making almost straight A's, have an amazing boyfriend, have a really close relationship and have 2 amazing friends that will always be by my side even when I can't find time to see them. I just hated that my Grandma had to see the end of my awful path. She constantly worried about me. Most of my family thought I wouldn't even make it through high school. I graduated by the skin of my teeth and now I'm on the Deans list. WOW! Accomplishments I'm very happy about, yet the one person that always believed in me and always knew I would go on to be great; isn't even here to experience it. Lately the thought that has come across my mind is my grandma led my boyfriend to me. We may or may not get married but she found him and made sure I found him. He has made me realize to be thankful for the small stuff. He taught me how to love myself. And love another person. My grandma died and he walked into my life. He is meant to take care of me. To help me through. And he has. I have been crying for the past few days and he just reminds me of what I have. And that every week has a weekend. And every weekend I get to see the love of my life. And be reassured one more time that I'm on the right road.