Luck.

I have never been poor by any means. Have never skipped a meal and never missed a snack. Since the start of the new year I have no bought groceries once. Scratch that, my family hasn't bought me any food. Not to say they have to. But with my hectic schedule there is no way to have a job and be able to afford a loaf of bread. I clean my parents house every weekend and that is how the bills are paid. Yet I haven't found any extra money to go to the grocery store. And when I come home I ask my parents to go to Kroger and they will simply laugh and say "Well we don't need anything." GOOD ONE! Mind you, these people go to the store every day just because it is a norm in our society. They will go to the grocery just to get something they even aren't going to eat at that moment. Let me ask you this. Have you ever been soo hungry that your body hurts. Have you ever been soo thirsty for something other than water, you think of putting salt in your drink for the sole fact that it will taste different. Everyone has those select foods that ALWAYS sit in their cabinet. ALWAYS. You go to the store, think you need it, buy it, and it simply just sits there. And it NEVER sounds good. I slowly have gone through all of my stuff that I would never eat. I ate almost everything and now I'm down to the nitty gritty. I bought wasa crakerbread a while ago and I had it once and hated it. Well basically a wasa cracker is Styrofoam. Tastes like it, looks like it, feels like it and I'm sure I could pack it like Styrofoam. Needless to say I'm down to about 5 wasa crackers. I have grown very fond of them. I wanted a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Well no bread. No jelly. But I have wasa crakers and peanut butter and this lovely stuff called apple butter. Now I have been living off apple peanut butter wasa cracker sandwiches for about 2 days. Grown very fond of the apple Styrofoam taste. The apple butter is pretty much empty. I think I have a teaspoon left. The peanut butter is down to a spoon full and like I said only 5 wasa crackers. What the hell am I going to eat with the crackers now. It really scares me that I will soon not have anything in my cabinet. Seriously. Nothing. I have a box of tuna helper. But no milk, no butter. Maybe I could improvise. Eventually I will have too. I have a can of green beans. Tea (gross). 1 bagel. stale cereal. soy sauce. oil. oh and peas! Boy do I love peas. I'm saving those for a special occasion. Yeah that's about it. My body is literally starving. I can feel it storing away as much fat as I eat now, because it knows the food source is getting more and more scarce. How sad is that I'm scared to ask my parents for food. How sad is it that I cant. I went home last weekend and started raiding the fridge. My parents come in and go, what are you doing. I had bananas in my hand, chips, cheese, milk, you name it i was trying to eat it. I look at them and said I have only had a bagel for 2 days. You want to know what they said. DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHAT THEY SAID??? Hahaha that's funny Kaylyn. That's probably not good.. YOU SHOULD EAT MORE. Are you fucking kidding me. Why the hell do you think I have all this food in my hands and in my mouth. Trying to eat because I don't know how many more days Ill be able to eat a bagel every 2 days. I'm soo fed up with this situation. Yet I cant do anything about. Every second I'm free I'm studying or volunteering. I could cut out my friend time and boyfriend time to make a little money to buy food but I'm not about to ruin my life. I'm going to school and making straight A's right now, working my fucking ass off and yet I go to bed hungry. I have cried my self to sleep because I was so hungry. All I was is some bread and milk. I have sold all I can. I have done all I can. And yet my trying isn't good enough. Its never good enough. I was telling my boyfriend I didn't have anything to eat and he told me he was going to buy me food. No. I don't need you to buy me food. I don't need anyone to buy me food. I'm not a pitty party. I don't need your hand outs. I just wish my parents could see how well I'm doing. And help me a little. I understand they pay for my college, but how will i go to college if I die of starvation. I really have never been soo hungry and exhausted in my life. I thought I was hungry when I would eat dinner at 7 instead of 5. I thought I was hungry would I would just eat my bagel and banana and protein bar and skip out on the OJ and milk. I never knew I was ever going to have to face this struggle. I never knew One day I wasn't going to have three square meals. My body is literally eating itself. I'm so hungry , I'm not hungry. I feel dizzy and Like I'm going to throw up. But there is no way your ever going to see me suffer. Ever see me beg. I simply want my parents to take care of me the way they take care of my brother. My brother live in saint Louis and has a big boy job and still comes home and my parents will take him out to Sam's and buy him bulk food. HOME BOY HAS A FUCKING JOB! the things they do for him and not me, will forever amaze me. But I need to stop complaining. There are starving kids all over the world who don't even get the pleasures of sleeping in a bed, or having running water, or heat, or air conditioning, or the chance for a higher education, or a computer, or home. I need to be thankful. So what if I go to bed hungry. I'm safe and I'm not going to die from a road side bomb. I have a roof over my head and a bed to sleep on. In their eyes I'm one of the "lucky" ones.