Love.

I have always had those boyfriends that were simply boring. Actually about every guy that has ever stepped into my life has been boring. Or hurtful. Or hateful. Or just plain scum. I was never able to get that one guy. The guy that made your heart skip a beat when he walked by. The guy, to you, met your standards. I felt like for soo long I had to settle for something less than what I wanted. Not because I wasnt able to get prince charming, but because I never felt worthy of anything better. I still doubt myself from time to time. But I atleast deserve happines. Love. And thats when I met andrew. When my last boyfriend left me. Not just "hey we are done," but actually left the state, I was miserable. How could I not keep this scum of the earth. How could this guy not see that he was meer shit and I was a shiny rock. I knew he was bad news. I knew he was messed up. But I needed someone to confind in. Regardless if he actually listened. So when he up and left I was devistated. Because I ment nothing to anyone. It was right before my freshman year of college. I was already going to leave everything I knew and start a new. But why couldnt I have something that was normal. That I knew was safe. I met Andrew within a month of living at Vincennes. He stole my heart from the very second I saw him. He made me second gues everything I had ever known. He made me want more and more. Of what, Im not sure but I wanted it. We kind of had a fling and it fizzled really quick. He had a mind set of not being with me. As did I. I was not about to get hurt. Not by this bastard. Its been about a year and a half now (something like that) and we have been off and on ever sence. Here recently we decided to become "facebook official." Well actually he surprised me with it. In my heart I always felt like something was out there that was better for him. And it wasnt me. I slowly began to fall inlove with him and now Im so head over heels I have no idea what to do. For the longest time he would hold back. Understandable. And now he is full force. All I want to do is be with him. He makes me feel beautiful even when I have just woken up and have drool on my face. He makes me feel feelings I have never felt before. He makes me so happy its crazy. I never thought my cheeks could hurt soo bad from smiling. I never thought I could acutally want someone just as bad if not worse than they want me. We complete eachother. Make jokes. Make sentences. Make memories. We can be complete assholes to eacother (like smart ass) and then just look and laugh. He just recenlty started calling me names. Good names. Babe. Baby. Baby Cakes. Cakes. It cute. I used to hear people say it and it made me sick. But when I hear it come from his mouth my whole body tingles. Im so in over my head its insane. We talked about this summer going to the beach. An escape from the world vacation. We also talked about when he has to go away for the military. And thats not for a while. He sees me in his future and Im not sure I could be with out him. I love when he calls. I love when he texts me. Im getting butterflies just thinking about it. I finally know what it feels like to be in the "movie" kind of love. I cant get enough of him. He is the only person that I have had and yet i still want more. His laugh. His smile. His eyes. His jokes. His body (of course). And i mean i love muscles, dont get me wrong. But there is just something about him, when I see him my knees get weak. My throat gets dry. I have never been inlove and I sure hope this is it. Andrew and I are great together. We used to have stupid ass fights. And he used to break my heart every day with his unwillingness to commit. But he is no longer testing the waters. He has jumped him. And Im right there with him.